You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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