when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
