did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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