Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
