just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
