Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
