Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
