Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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