Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize