am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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