Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
