I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize