break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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