Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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