I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
