Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
