Please don't use social media to get back at me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
