do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i came on her dog
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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