The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
