apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
