my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
