Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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