Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Randomize
