You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
