Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
