We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
