Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
