You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
