We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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