i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
