You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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