I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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