he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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