im having a threesome with these popsicles
Michael Bay diarrhea
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize