just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i will never coherently bang her
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
