i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
