God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
