I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize