But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
