need another drink. this is the easiest way
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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