Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
