people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
