doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize