yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
