I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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