we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize