i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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