apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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