You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
