dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
