I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
