I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
