It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
They have beer where we have blood.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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