I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize