I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
