That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
