he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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