my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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