i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
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