I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
