I smell stomach acid.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
