Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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