I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
