I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
you never un-have a 4some
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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