there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
