STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
