Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
