i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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