dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
