theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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