this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize