and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
