I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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