At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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