I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
