We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
