I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
