at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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